Two Thousand and Ten where to begin, can't wait till' it ends.
This year is finally over and what a controversial, roller coaster, bastard of a bad ass year. In 2010 I have hit some of my lowest lows and highest highs. Like Dramamine in coffee at the end I am left feeling like I just came out of the washing machine set to warm / cold. All I can do at this point is look around and pretend I knew what I was doing all along but inside my head I am screaming from the top of my brains lungs.... Double You Tee Eff!!!!!
January. Light Wind. The beginning of this year was amazing. In a major soul search I decided that I should enter some snowboarding competitions and I had great success. I joined Team Utah and made some incredible new friends. 2010 was about to be my year.
February. Strong Wind Advisory. After hearing the news that I had made nationals I was filled with a super caffeine charged will to charge life and take on the world. Had I paid any attention at all I would realize that things were about to change forever.
March. Tornado. Nationals came so fast and my time spent in Winter Park meeting some of the most interesting people on earth, competing for a national championship, and dropping 2,000 vertical foot powder runs starting above tree line at 13,000 feet. I was soaring.... So high. What goes up must come down.
April. Earthquake. The end of a long run with someone I once considered a friend, companion, and team mate. Maybe I should have seen it coming. I knew I was unhappy I assumed she was unhappy but I thought this was the way life was supposed to be. People are never really happy together are they? After all we had our problems from the get go and tried to work through them in a half assed sort "I will tolerate you if you will tolerate me" type of way.
Now the storm really starts to shake my world.
End of April. She is gone I should be sad... I am not sad... I am not mad... I am not happy... I am not... I am not really anything.
Enter Brad and Ivo
Now I am learning to fly. Literally fly. I could be cliche here and say that I had broken wings and learned to fly again but they weren't broken things were just different and now they were really different. Suddenly Monday's were the best days of the week. Soaring around the South Side learning the skills I needed to take to the sky on my own. Every morning hoping for a North side weekday where I could soar the ridge by myself trying so hard to understand Ivo over the radio.
May. Supernova. Enter Jessie. She comes to play ping pong and I smile. She comes to watch me fly and I run faster than I have before. I want to take off and show her how high I can go... I had not yet realized that she would soon take me higher than my glider ever could.
June. Sunshine. Summer is cruising a long and Jessie and I have so many adventure marks on the board.
July. Cool breeze. Things are really kicking into high gear now. Back and forth up up up up up UP. Every day my smile gets bigger and the more I get to know her the more I realize people are not meant to be unhappy together... People are meant to have this.
August. Light breeze. Of course in August I start to get excited for the snowboard season a little too early so just through that emotion in with the rest and the baking soda and vinegar effect starts to come to the surface.
September. Volcano. Things are really starting to become unreal for me. A summer of something that had to go to make room for something I needed more than I need air. A summer of flying to the top of the mountain. After a winter of standing at 10,420' with a $2 bill about to send it off to my Great Grandmother who passed away. As the weather began to cool my thoughts raced on to the potential of this season and where my life with Jessie was about to go. Oh how my life is going in the perfect direction and then without warning... Hot volcanic ash poured from my heart and rain from my eyes as I received the news. My Grandmother, Pat, Ablin, The rock in our family, the one I could go to... Had stopped suffering. In the inevitable fight against Cancer you can never win you can only stay in the fight for as long as you can hang on to the simplest concept. Hope.
October. Undertow. Nothing seems real at this point. The season is moving in Jessie and I have talked... She is moving in we are ready. More than ready. We try to set a date in November but have a hard time making it as we begin to move a few things here and there until we might as well call it what it is... We took the big step. My life is in the current now and we are going forward into a new light.
November. Rain. Jessie is all moved in and my house is a home. We spend our first Thanksgiving together and our first few days on the mountain. Everything is perfect.
December. GODZILLA ATTACK! December moves so quickly with me working so much. There are complications with the snowboard team but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with work but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with school but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with my finances but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with my health but I keep pushing forward. This world is a complicated place but I keep pushing forward. Now I am tired as I sit here thinking, "I wonder if the world will rest on my shoulders again in 2011." I want to smack myself. I am exhausted, I am broken down, my will is defeated, and all I can think about is the struggle. I am such an idiot. I have spent so much time in the worry in the stress in and wondering what will happen next I have let the important things pass me by. I will be 30 in 2011 and I have so much to live for. Jessie, Kayden, A wonderful mother, the best friends, I have a job, a roof over my head, snowboarding is amazing, I can fly... This list goes on. Which brings me to my New Years Resolution.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTION 2011: This year I will live in the important moments. I will not worry about the future as control is just an illusion. I will cherish every kiss from Jessie, I will be proud of every turn Kayden links on the hill, I will spend more time with my mother, I will be a better friend, I will challenge myself more on the mountain, I will fly higher on my glider, I will achieve great success in school and the beautiful thing is that it will not take any effort. All I have to do is enjoy each moment I have on this earth as each one is an absolute gift. That being said... I am going to go pull up on the couch next to her and enjoy this one.
Happy New Year Everyone.
