These women....

Aneta-  

Where do I start?  I am overflowing with love for you.  Everything is so familiar with you and the smile you bring to my heart is paralyzing.  You truly are my muse.  I have a deep burning fire in me now to improve my life and to get closer to you.  Positive changes are happening to me at lightening speed right now and it is all because of you.  The happiness you have brought to my life is contagious and my friends are feeling the benefit just by being around me now.  I love yoU!!!  Somehow I always have.  Our should souls have always known. I love all the time we spend talking from serious conversation to just laughing and making up ridiculousness.  I love that I can’t get off the phone with you and that I never want to say goodbye.  I love that we are developing our own language, inside jokes, and looks that belong to us alone.  You are most important to me and I will strive every day to make sure that you know that and that you can feel it.  You say the most amazing things and I love the way you move. I know that we are at the beginning of an amazing adventure together and I couldn’t be happier than to be on this journey with you! You are my teammate, my lover, my best friend, my muse and my should soul.

Janet-  

Mom,  Our conversations lately have been on a new level.  I feel very close to you at this point in my life and I am proud of the work you are doing to better the world.  You are the most amazing soul on this planet and the message you spread is so powerful.  You have impacted so many lives and changed the world. I can’t imagine my life if you were not my mother and I can only hope that the next time around you will be my mother again.  You have taught me so much about life and love and the universal code that describes it all. You inspire me to want to give myself to the world and every time I do I am rewarded beyond my wildest imagination.  Thank you for being the most amazing mother.  You have overcome so much in your life and have inspired me to live.  I mean really live.  Thank you.  I love you.  

Gina- 

Everything.  Thats what we have been through together.  We have been to hell and back and visited heaven together countless times.  You are my constant in this life.  No matter what happens to me or where I go I have you and your friendship is irreplaceable.  How many countless albums have we listened to together and just felt the music?  We have cried together and laughed.  There is a vent at both ends for us to shout in to when we need each other.  I need you in my life and I value your friendship above most anything on this earth.  Thank you for the years Gina.  You mean so much to me.

Danielle-  

Danikin Snowalker.  What an unlikely meeting of humans we were.  I think back to that day in my favorite place quite frequently.  Wow did you really eat that pizza?  Who would have ever thought that one of my greatest friendships would have sprouted from that moment.  You were there for me more than you will ever know during one of the hardest nights I have ever been through.  I could NOT have done that without you. Thank you thank you thank you a million times. From the beginning this friendship has been special.  I love that you get me when I ramble and you know what I am trying to say even when my words seem to be unattended.  I have had so much fun rocking out and snowboarding with you.  Our friendship is built to withstand the test of time.  Thank you for everything.

Holly-  

Holly Walker.  My friend.  Your voice melts my heart.  You make me want to dance and cry and swim?  I feel the most unbelievable connection to you.  I would do anything to make you feel like I feel when you play guitar and scream from the top of your lungs “What's going on?”  You are such an amazing person and you fill the world with happiness and music regardless of how you are feeling.  You truly give more than you have ever asked for.  This world is infinitely better because you are in it.  

Melissa-  

For the most part it’s not my responsibility.  But you know what is my responsibility?  To rock out and bring the love every time I see your face.  Our friendship was instant just add Gorge.  I've never laughed harder than when I am with you.  Its amazing to me how simple words take us to the same place and we just know.  Melissa you are such a great friend.  I promise you this…. I am going to be closer to you as soon as I can and I am making it a point to be in your life more.  

Kellie-  

It really has been almost 10 years since my life was changed forever.  You have treated me with so much respect. You have treated me much better than I deserve.  You have the most incredible heart.  You have never passed judgment on me or made me feel like I was in the wrong.  You have always made sure I was comfortable and happy.  You have looked out for me when I needed it.  I enjoy your smile and your friendship.  I can live my whole life thanking you every day and it will never match the reward of being your friend. 

Mary D- 

You give me the gypsy fever. You are most amazing and lovely. One of the few who I can sit in silence and smile with. What a beautiful person you are. I think there are people in this world that you should just be near all the time. You are one of those people for me. You give and you spread and you preach love love love love! The sunrise circle jams with you are engraved on my memory forever.

These women-

These women change the world. They don't ask for anything and give love with all of their hearts. I love you all so much. Knowing each of you individually makes me the wealthiest man on earth but knowing you all collectively makes the lighthouse in my heart shine for the world to see. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Twenty-twelve is that all you've got?

2012 is kicking my ass and my God it's not even half way through January. Let's review the literal and metaphorical face smashings that have occurred. First of all there was the concussion. This is why I bought a helmet in the first place! A week after the concussion I seperated my shoulder and injured my knee on the same feature. Two nights ago I took a pain killer for my knee which led me to sleep on my bad shoulder all night. I woke up with severe pain in my shoulder and a special visit from the flu (actually the reason I am still awake now). On top of the physical damage the snow has been, well it hasn't been. The snow is so bad the sbx event I have been looking forward to competing in for 2 years, rev tour, was canceled.

So 2012 you have thrown the first punch and now it's my turn. I have noticed I am still alive which leads me to the conclusion that I am growing stronger. After both injuries this year people have said, "Take it easy you are not 19 anymore." As if 19 is some magical number oblivious to pain and damage. I have bounced back from injury and gotten myself back on snow faster than ever. My confidence remains unbroken and I don't feel there has been a decline in my riding skills. The lack of snow this year has forced me to study my mechanics and focus on them. The canceled rev tour has forced me to step up and enter the hole shot which is a much bigger event than I was ready for. The lines of my comfort zone are disappearing and despite getting thrown against the wall over and over I am smiling. In fact I am laughing because 2012, if this is all that you've got, you don't stand a chance. The flu in January? On the week of my birthday? That's how you are trying to keep me down? You obviously don't know me very well. I may not be the best at everything I do but I don't know many others that bounce back from being knocked down as quickly as I do.

One last thing 2012. You might be winning and in 11 more months when we tally the score we may find that you have kicked my ass. You just might be bigger and badder. I might be fighting outside of my weight class. Despite all of that before you take another shot know this, at the end of it all no matter the outcome you will know for sure that I was in this fight.

Dear David

Dear David,

The new year is approaching and there are a few things that you don't seem to understand about your life so I thought I would send you a reminder.

1.  Read this list more often.

2. Your son needs you. He is going through many of the same trials in school that you went through and he needs you to continue to build his self confidence. This would also be a good time to start him a savings account and teach him the value of saving money and making better decisions than you did.

3. Snowboarding. I should seriously kick your ass for this. Snowboarding is a sport and it is a major part of your life. Your snowboarding is an expression of you and it is your art. So why do you take days where you do not improve? Where you are not pushing your limit and constantly growing as a rider? The snow is not here all year and you need to fix this lackadaisical attitude toward snowboarding immediately.

4. You love paragliding and you live 2 minutes from the flight park. When you get up in the air you are in a whole new world and at peace. You have all the gear you live close and you have no excuses. You need to stop being lazy about walking down to the flight park and spend a lot more time in the sky.

5. Remember your Oregon family. Make it a point to start saving for that trip sooner than later.

These are your resolutions. These are the things most important to you and you need to focus on them this year. You can be a better boyfriend, father, snowboarder, paraglider and you can visit that piece of salvation called the Gorge. So start today and pull your world in.

Sincerely,
Future self.

A few truths i've come to know.

1. Duke is a good dog. He might not always do what I want or might not always not do what I don't but he always does. All I have to do is change the pitch of my voice to get his tail wagging back and forth and change his entire world. Each day he waits patiently for me to come home. Who knows what he does all day when I am gone but the second I walk through the door he is living. Duke knows when it's time for me to get up and I rarely see him more excited. A pat on the head or a quick snack and his troubles of the day don't even matter anymore. I wish we could all forget the daily stress as easily as him. Duke is my friend.

2. My best friends are not who I had expected them to be. It took a little while when the dust was settling to look around and see who was there but they were clearly there. I am hard to deal with on a day to day basis and half the time I make no sense at all. The best are the ones who really just don't care about that and want to be around me anyway.

3. Disappointment is a state of mind not a reality.

4. Cliches are usually right on.

5. Happiness is the journey (See 4)

6. When you stop growing, learning, trying, wanting, striving, living.... You are dead.

7. If you read a newspaper and then look at your own life, you will have so much to be thankful for.

8. Things change, even the things you wish would not.

9. Your children will grow up faster than you will ever be ready for.

10. Sometimes you just need to sit down and right down 10 things that you know for sure when the world leaves you wondering where you are.

Tumbleweed

Most tumbleweeds have the fortunate experience of gently blowing down the road with the ability to see what is coming even if the breeze is going to ultimately thrust them in to it. My life as a tumbleweed is a bit different, while I do get the feeling that there is some breeze guiding me and putting me on and off varying wind patterns, my breeze seems to be more of a gale force wind lately. The difference between me and the other tumbleweeds is that they know their fate before they lightly bump into an object, for me it's a smash into a brick wall with the confused look of "I never saw that coming." This isn't necessarily a bad thing, sure there are times when I crash into a brick wall of debt or collide with the steel tragedy of loss of a loved one, and the constant beating of the solid stress concrete. There is another side to being a tumbleweed in hurricane that most people don't think about, The Adventure. Speeding past the rolling hills of my outdoor adventure lifestyle from a full day of snowboarding followed by an evening of paragliding. There are the family Sundays spent teaching my son how to ski, watching Jessie gain confidence, and a cheers to the bar tender at Molly Greens. There is the snowboard competition season that brings quaint ski town travel adventures and new friendships. The mornings spent at the south side para-waiting for the right time to launch. The laughter of my greatest friends coming to visit for corn beef and cabbage. Each side of me is a different rotation down the hill.

I am a father.
I am a son.
I am a brother.
I am a friend.
I am an uncle.
I am a cousin.
I am a snowboarder.
I am a paraglider.
I am a full time student.
I am an entrepreneur.
I am a competitor.
I am a debtor.
I am a collector.
I am a dreamer.
I am a lover.
I am a fighter.

I am...

These are things that make up my shell. These are the things that allow me to tumble down long roads and smash into everything in site and keep on going. These things are my motor. No matter how fast I roll, no matter how much I spin, no matter how hard I hit, I will never feel dizzy, or pain. I will never feel tired and I will never give up the journey...

Because I am.

=Dave

Two thousand and then....

Two Thousand and Ten where to begin, can't wait till' it ends.

This year is finally over and what a controversial, roller coaster, bastard of a bad ass year. In 2010 I have hit some of my lowest lows and highest highs. Like Dramamine in coffee at the end I am left feeling like I just came out of the washing machine set to warm / cold. All I can do at this point is look around and pretend I knew what I was doing all along but inside my head I am screaming from the top of my brains lungs.... Double You Tee Eff!!!!!

January. Light Wind. The beginning of this year was amazing. In a major soul search I decided that I should enter some snowboarding competitions and I had great success. I joined Team Utah and made some incredible new friends. 2010 was about to be my year.

February. Strong Wind Advisory. After hearing the news that I had made nationals I was filled with a super caffeine charged will to charge life and take on the world. Had I paid any attention at all I would realize that things were about to change forever.

March. Tornado. Nationals came so fast and my time spent in Winter Park meeting some of the most interesting people on earth, competing for a national championship, and dropping 2,000 vertical foot powder runs starting above tree line at 13,000 feet. I was soaring.... So high. What goes up must come down.

April. Earthquake. The end of a long run with someone I once considered a friend, companion, and team mate. Maybe I should have seen it coming. I knew I was unhappy I assumed she was unhappy but I thought this was the way life was supposed to be. People are never really happy together are they? After all we had our problems from the get go and tried to work through them in a half assed sort "I will tolerate you if you will tolerate me" type of way.

Now the storm really starts to shake my world.

End of April. She is gone I should be sad... I am not sad... I am not mad... I am not happy... I am not... I am not really anything.

Enter Brad and Ivo

Now I am learning to fly. Literally fly. I could be cliche here and say that I had broken wings and learned to fly again but they weren't broken things were just different and now they were really different. Suddenly Monday's were the best days of the week. Soaring around the South Side learning the skills I needed to take to the sky on my own. Every morning hoping for a North side weekday where I could soar the ridge by myself trying so hard to understand Ivo over the radio.

May. Supernova. Enter Jessie. She comes to play ping pong and I smile. She comes to watch me fly and I run faster than I have before. I want to take off and show her how high I can go... I had not yet realized that she would soon take me higher than my glider ever could.

June. Sunshine. Summer is cruising a long and Jessie and I have so many adventure marks on the board.

July. Cool breeze. Things are really kicking into high gear now. Back and forth up up up up up UP. Every day my smile gets bigger and the more I get to know her the more I realize people are not meant to be unhappy together... People are meant to have this.

August. Light breeze. Of course in August I start to get excited for the snowboard season a little too early so just through that emotion in with the rest and the baking soda and vinegar effect starts to come to the surface.

September. Volcano. Things are really starting to become unreal for me. A summer of something that had to go to make room for something I needed more than I need air. A summer of flying to the top of the mountain. After a winter of standing at 10,420' with a $2 bill about to send it off to my Great Grandmother who passed away. As the weather began to cool my thoughts raced on to the potential of this season and where my life with Jessie was about to go. Oh how my life is going in the perfect direction and then without warning... Hot volcanic ash poured from my heart and rain from my eyes as I received the news. My Grandmother, Pat, Ablin, The rock in our family, the one I could go to... Had stopped suffering. In the inevitable fight against Cancer you can never win you can only stay in the fight for as long as you can hang on to the simplest concept. Hope.

October. Undertow. Nothing seems real at this point. The season is moving in Jessie and I have talked... She is moving in we are ready. More than ready. We try to set a date in November but have a hard time making it as we begin to move a few things here and there until we might as well call it what it is... We took the big step. My life is in the current now and we are going forward into a new light.

November. Rain. Jessie is all moved in and my house is a home. We spend our first Thanksgiving together and our first few days on the mountain. Everything is perfect.

December. GODZILLA ATTACK! December moves so quickly with me working so much. There are complications with the snowboard team but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with work but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with school but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with my finances but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with my health but I keep pushing forward. This world is a complicated place but I keep pushing forward. Now I am tired as I sit here thinking, "I wonder if the world will rest on my shoulders again in 2011." I want to smack myself. I am exhausted, I am broken down, my will is defeated, and all I can think about is the struggle. I am such an idiot. I have spent so much time in the worry in the stress in and wondering what will happen next I have let the important things pass me by. I will be 30 in 2011 and I have so much to live for. Jessie, Kayden, A wonderful mother, the best friends, I have a job, a roof over my head, snowboarding is amazing, I can fly... This list goes on. Which brings me to my New Years Resolution.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION 2011: This year I will live in the important moments. I will not worry about the future as control is just an illusion. I will cherish every kiss from Jessie, I will be proud of every turn Kayden links on the hill, I will spend more time with my mother, I will be a better friend, I will challenge myself more on the mountain, I will fly higher on my glider, I will achieve great success in school and the beautiful thing is that it will not take any effort. All I have to do is enjoy each moment I have on this earth as each one is an absolute gift. That being said... I am going to go pull up on the couch next to her and enjoy this one.

Happy New Year Everyone.

If words could talk...

Hanging on to the edge of this I find it hard to not let go,
I want to fall down this paper, smear it with black ink that makes sense to only you
I am the words that have been trying to pour like syrup thick and full
Like everything you need but didn't expect to find in me
I will flow in cursive left to right and end with question marks
Followed by remarks from my heart that yield exclamation points
Reaching out to you I have only these words for you to catch
I scream from the top of my crossed t's and dotted i's, can you hear me?
I will capitalize for your attention! I need you to see this!
In the clearest font, this can't missed, italic and bold.
But how can I say it when those adjectives don't exist?
E x 12 is the best I can do when I try to write it out.
Falling down this paper I fell so fast and far.
These words, I have carried with me to the bottom of this page,
Hoping they made it safely and find their way to you...
Take them.

=Dave