untitled adventure

i need to recharge my everything
its a battery catastrophe
living life in a suitcase
im going to find a place
and when that place doesn't suit me
me and my suitcase and my baby
we're going to catch a train
warm tracks cold rain
flip a coin north south
it doesn't even matter right now
im with her and she's with me
eyes looking back to see
direction is irrelevant
together in our element
place your in my hand
lock your trust in my plan
follow me to the next stop
we'll walk until our knees drop
fall down together side by side
laugh about the length of the last ride
what we need is what we don't
what we want is what we won't
like a match or lighter flick the spark
burn the daylight down ignite the dark
its hopeful and helpless we're on the move
nothing to lose and nothing to prove
collecting miles walking all the streets
navigating by the tone of our heart beats

lists and You

some lists i have left incomplete as if time would fill them
never ready never willing to commit to paper my admission
i tip toe around the obvious unaware of my exposure
unknowing that i had the answer i was searching for
the first time i found myself i didn't know that i was lost
the second time i had given up the search some years before
and so what? this is me and who i am i wouldn't trade
i reach for the sky and i leave this earth in my own mind
to ride, to dream, to love, to give, this is my own way
surrounding paths have crossed and changed my inner state
geography is irrelevant when love fuels your fire
gates and locks mean nothing now destination You
my lists are filled favored wicks but my home is far away
anticipation of the clock is an all consuming thought
meaningless tasks are intended to pass away the day
faking interest in anything else is a full time position
yellow socks and mailman chasing concrete is my prison
that little guy comes down the tracks to make sure its all working
i have no questions doubts or fears execpt for maybe one
how many more business days until I can wrap myself in You

1557 km

fifteen hundred fifty seven kilometers where I belong with her
thirty two years not one two many as we paint the wind and stir
the ocean told her that I was on my way and her heart felt the same
leaving no promises unkept no guilt no time no sensless shame
this heart, its a fragile vessel made for smooth sailing smiling faces
compassion is our compass guide us to our favorite places
she gives so much more than she will ever need or ask for
she places value on the transcendence of the human core
she would give you the heart from her chest if you were me
i laugh with her about the difference between a B and a bee
she smiles like a child so damn happy and so damn free
patronizing obstacles as if we even had the time to breathe
i believe in her so much with conviction pure like salt
two hundred thousand years from now I still wont find a fault
in awe of her being her face and her place she gives it all away
i dream of no more airplanes to come and take this day
and here i am in gratitude undeserving in my own place
i knew i loved her long before I ever saw her face
but she loves me loves me loves me so i take the whole world in
naturally quietly I fall into peace and sink into her skin
in the presence of a twenty thousand and one collective mind
she is all i can see to the rest of the world i am blind
never before have i known my days to live this passionately
she's the B to my U and the U to my me

=dave

Happiness: A noun

Happiness:  A noun

Happiness a noun before you

A word, a senseless state of being

A fraudulent confession of the hopeful
A scapegoat for the power seeker

A figment of the weak and feeble mind

The dreamers ever burning fuel

A finite placement on an end

A vision for the drunken fool

After you, a noun no more

Happiness, a place of warmth

A simple wordless  melodic thought

Salvation of the heart and soul

A retaliation on abusive time

Consummation of my everlasting

A change of blood flowing coarse

To right the ship of longing for

A thought I think I shall proceed

A movement without provocation

This is where my life begins

Placing faith in complex unknowns

But familiar is this place to me

Dreams sleeping wide awake

Geography our only sickness

Single digits set us free

Happiness a noun no more

Broken frowns and indecision

These are my lost possessions

I need you and nothing else

Things are things but not this thing

This is all and we are here

Happiness a noun no longer

Reciprocated heart sparks fire

=Dave

Back to you

Fresh like peppermint smiling at me

You got a cool cool breeze tastes so sweet

Fireside falling down deep into ritual

Looking into you has become so habitual

Tea time cigarettes mix in adult decisions

Locking onto your lips stereo precision

Dawn rising up and it burns away the stars

Fade away world just leave us the scars

Down by the river

Saw you for the first time

Found out you shiver

Underneath the night sky

You bring the toast

And I’ll bring the muffin

Let’s make the most

Sexy breakfast in the oven

That new sock feeling

Gather up our things

You got caught stealing

My heart your strings

On a walk things changed lets walk about

Cold beer tent times disappearing doubt

Front row dancing for a new soundtrack

Acoustic guitar with your hand on my back

I’ve got to get myself right back to you

If it takes it i’ll do it plane bus canoe

Take off my sunnies look into my eyes

I meant what I said about saying goodbye

These women....

Aneta-  

Where do I start?  I am overflowing with love for you.  Everything is so familiar with you and the smile you bring to my heart is paralyzing.  You truly are my muse.  I have a deep burning fire in me now to improve my life and to get closer to you.  Positive changes are happening to me at lightening speed right now and it is all because of you.  The happiness you have brought to my life is contagious and my friends are feeling the benefit just by being around me now.  I love yoU!!!  Somehow I always have.  Our should souls have always known. I love all the time we spend talking from serious conversation to just laughing and making up ridiculousness.  I love that I can’t get off the phone with you and that I never want to say goodbye.  I love that we are developing our own language, inside jokes, and looks that belong to us alone.  You are most important to me and I will strive every day to make sure that you know that and that you can feel it.  You say the most amazing things and I love the way you move. I know that we are at the beginning of an amazing adventure together and I couldn’t be happier than to be on this journey with you! You are my teammate, my lover, my best friend, my muse and my should soul.

Janet-  

Mom,  Our conversations lately have been on a new level.  I feel very close to you at this point in my life and I am proud of the work you are doing to better the world.  You are the most amazing soul on this planet and the message you spread is so powerful.  You have impacted so many lives and changed the world. I can’t imagine my life if you were not my mother and I can only hope that the next time around you will be my mother again.  You have taught me so much about life and love and the universal code that describes it all. You inspire me to want to give myself to the world and every time I do I am rewarded beyond my wildest imagination.  Thank you for being the most amazing mother.  You have overcome so much in your life and have inspired me to live.  I mean really live.  Thank you.  I love you.  

Gina- 

Everything.  Thats what we have been through together.  We have been to hell and back and visited heaven together countless times.  You are my constant in this life.  No matter what happens to me or where I go I have you and your friendship is irreplaceable.  How many countless albums have we listened to together and just felt the music?  We have cried together and laughed.  There is a vent at both ends for us to shout in to when we need each other.  I need you in my life and I value your friendship above most anything on this earth.  Thank you for the years Gina.  You mean so much to me.

Danielle-  

Danikin Snowalker.  What an unlikely meeting of humans we were.  I think back to that day in my favorite place quite frequently.  Wow did you really eat that pizza?  Who would have ever thought that one of my greatest friendships would have sprouted from that moment.  You were there for me more than you will ever know during one of the hardest nights I have ever been through.  I could NOT have done that without you. Thank you thank you thank you a million times. From the beginning this friendship has been special.  I love that you get me when I ramble and you know what I am trying to say even when my words seem to be unattended.  I have had so much fun rocking out and snowboarding with you.  Our friendship is built to withstand the test of time.  Thank you for everything.

Holly-  

Holly Walker.  My friend.  Your voice melts my heart.  You make me want to dance and cry and swim?  I feel the most unbelievable connection to you.  I would do anything to make you feel like I feel when you play guitar and scream from the top of your lungs “What's going on?”  You are such an amazing person and you fill the world with happiness and music regardless of how you are feeling.  You truly give more than you have ever asked for.  This world is infinitely better because you are in it.  

Melissa-  

For the most part it’s not my responsibility.  But you know what is my responsibility?  To rock out and bring the love every time I see your face.  Our friendship was instant just add Gorge.  I've never laughed harder than when I am with you.  Its amazing to me how simple words take us to the same place and we just know.  Melissa you are such a great friend.  I promise you this…. I am going to be closer to you as soon as I can and I am making it a point to be in your life more.  

Kellie-  

It really has been almost 10 years since my life was changed forever.  You have treated me with so much respect. You have treated me much better than I deserve.  You have the most incredible heart.  You have never passed judgment on me or made me feel like I was in the wrong.  You have always made sure I was comfortable and happy.  You have looked out for me when I needed it.  I enjoy your smile and your friendship.  I can live my whole life thanking you every day and it will never match the reward of being your friend. 

Mary D- 

You give me the gypsy fever. You are most amazing and lovely. One of the few who I can sit in silence and smile with. What a beautiful person you are. I think there are people in this world that you should just be near all the time. You are one of those people for me. You give and you spread and you preach love love love love! The sunrise circle jams with you are engraved on my memory forever.

These women-

These women change the world. They don't ask for anything and give love with all of their hearts. I love you all so much. Knowing each of you individually makes me the wealthiest man on earth but knowing you all collectively makes the lighthouse in my heart shine for the world to see. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Twenty-twelve is that all you've got?

2012 is kicking my ass and my God it's not even half way through January. Let's review the literal and metaphorical face smashings that have occurred. First of all there was the concussion. This is why I bought a helmet in the first place! A week after the concussion I seperated my shoulder and injured my knee on the same feature. Two nights ago I took a pain killer for my knee which led me to sleep on my bad shoulder all night. I woke up with severe pain in my shoulder and a special visit from the flu (actually the reason I am still awake now). On top of the physical damage the snow has been, well it hasn't been. The snow is so bad the sbx event I have been looking forward to competing in for 2 years, rev tour, was canceled.

So 2012 you have thrown the first punch and now it's my turn. I have noticed I am still alive which leads me to the conclusion that I am growing stronger. After both injuries this year people have said, "Take it easy you are not 19 anymore." As if 19 is some magical number oblivious to pain and damage. I have bounced back from injury and gotten myself back on snow faster than ever. My confidence remains unbroken and I don't feel there has been a decline in my riding skills. The lack of snow this year has forced me to study my mechanics and focus on them. The canceled rev tour has forced me to step up and enter the hole shot which is a much bigger event than I was ready for. The lines of my comfort zone are disappearing and despite getting thrown against the wall over and over I am smiling. In fact I am laughing because 2012, if this is all that you've got, you don't stand a chance. The flu in January? On the week of my birthday? That's how you are trying to keep me down? You obviously don't know me very well. I may not be the best at everything I do but I don't know many others that bounce back from being knocked down as quickly as I do.

One last thing 2012. You might be winning and in 11 more months when we tally the score we may find that you have kicked my ass. You just might be bigger and badder. I might be fighting outside of my weight class. Despite all of that before you take another shot know this, at the end of it all no matter the outcome you will know for sure that I was in this fight.

Dear David

Dear David,

The new year is approaching and there are a few things that you don't seem to understand about your life so I thought I would send you a reminder.

1.  Read this list more often.

2. Your son needs you. He is going through many of the same trials in school that you went through and he needs you to continue to build his self confidence. This would also be a good time to start him a savings account and teach him the value of saving money and making better decisions than you did.

3. Snowboarding. I should seriously kick your ass for this. Snowboarding is a sport and it is a major part of your life. Your snowboarding is an expression of you and it is your art. So why do you take days where you do not improve? Where you are not pushing your limit and constantly growing as a rider? The snow is not here all year and you need to fix this lackadaisical attitude toward snowboarding immediately.

4. You love paragliding and you live 2 minutes from the flight park. When you get up in the air you are in a whole new world and at peace. You have all the gear you live close and you have no excuses. You need to stop being lazy about walking down to the flight park and spend a lot more time in the sky.

5. Remember your Oregon family. Make it a point to start saving for that trip sooner than later.

These are your resolutions. These are the things most important to you and you need to focus on them this year. You can be a better boyfriend, father, snowboarder, paraglider and you can visit that piece of salvation called the Gorge. So start today and pull your world in.

Sincerely,
Future self.

A few truths i've come to know.

1. Duke is a good dog. He might not always do what I want or might not always not do what I don't but he always does. All I have to do is change the pitch of my voice to get his tail wagging back and forth and change his entire world. Each day he waits patiently for me to come home. Who knows what he does all day when I am gone but the second I walk through the door he is living. Duke knows when it's time for me to get up and I rarely see him more excited. A pat on the head or a quick snack and his troubles of the day don't even matter anymore. I wish we could all forget the daily stress as easily as him. Duke is my friend.

2. My best friends are not who I had expected them to be. It took a little while when the dust was settling to look around and see who was there but they were clearly there. I am hard to deal with on a day to day basis and half the time I make no sense at all. The best are the ones who really just don't care about that and want to be around me anyway.

3. Disappointment is a state of mind not a reality.

4. Cliches are usually right on.

5. Happiness is the journey (See 4)

6. When you stop growing, learning, trying, wanting, striving, living.... You are dead.

7. If you read a newspaper and then look at your own life, you will have so much to be thankful for.

8. Things change, even the things you wish would not.

9. Your children will grow up faster than you will ever be ready for.

10. Sometimes you just need to sit down and right down 10 things that you know for sure when the world leaves you wondering where you are.

Tumbleweed

Most tumbleweeds have the fortunate experience of gently blowing down the road with the ability to see what is coming even if the breeze is going to ultimately thrust them in to it. My life as a tumbleweed is a bit different, while I do get the feeling that there is some breeze guiding me and putting me on and off varying wind patterns, my breeze seems to be more of a gale force wind lately. The difference between me and the other tumbleweeds is that they know their fate before they lightly bump into an object, for me it's a smash into a brick wall with the confused look of "I never saw that coming." This isn't necessarily a bad thing, sure there are times when I crash into a brick wall of debt or collide with the steel tragedy of loss of a loved one, and the constant beating of the solid stress concrete. There is another side to being a tumbleweed in hurricane that most people don't think about, The Adventure. Speeding past the rolling hills of my outdoor adventure lifestyle from a full day of snowboarding followed by an evening of paragliding. There are the family Sundays spent teaching my son how to ski, watching Jessie gain confidence, and a cheers to the bar tender at Molly Greens. There is the snowboard competition season that brings quaint ski town travel adventures and new friendships. The mornings spent at the south side para-waiting for the right time to launch. The laughter of my greatest friends coming to visit for corn beef and cabbage. Each side of me is a different rotation down the hill.

I am a father.
I am a son.
I am a brother.
I am a friend.
I am an uncle.
I am a cousin.
I am a snowboarder.
I am a paraglider.
I am a full time student.
I am an entrepreneur.
I am a competitor.
I am a debtor.
I am a collector.
I am a dreamer.
I am a lover.
I am a fighter.

I am...

These are things that make up my shell. These are the things that allow me to tumble down long roads and smash into everything in site and keep on going. These things are my motor. No matter how fast I roll, no matter how much I spin, no matter how hard I hit, I will never feel dizzy, or pain. I will never feel tired and I will never give up the journey...

Because I am.

=Dave

Two thousand and then....

Two Thousand and Ten where to begin, can't wait till' it ends.

This year is finally over and what a controversial, roller coaster, bastard of a bad ass year. In 2010 I have hit some of my lowest lows and highest highs. Like Dramamine in coffee at the end I am left feeling like I just came out of the washing machine set to warm / cold. All I can do at this point is look around and pretend I knew what I was doing all along but inside my head I am screaming from the top of my brains lungs.... Double You Tee Eff!!!!!

January. Light Wind. The beginning of this year was amazing. In a major soul search I decided that I should enter some snowboarding competitions and I had great success. I joined Team Utah and made some incredible new friends. 2010 was about to be my year.

February. Strong Wind Advisory. After hearing the news that I had made nationals I was filled with a super caffeine charged will to charge life and take on the world. Had I paid any attention at all I would realize that things were about to change forever.

March. Tornado. Nationals came so fast and my time spent in Winter Park meeting some of the most interesting people on earth, competing for a national championship, and dropping 2,000 vertical foot powder runs starting above tree line at 13,000 feet. I was soaring.... So high. What goes up must come down.

April. Earthquake. The end of a long run with someone I once considered a friend, companion, and team mate. Maybe I should have seen it coming. I knew I was unhappy I assumed she was unhappy but I thought this was the way life was supposed to be. People are never really happy together are they? After all we had our problems from the get go and tried to work through them in a half assed sort "I will tolerate you if you will tolerate me" type of way.

Now the storm really starts to shake my world.

End of April. She is gone I should be sad... I am not sad... I am not mad... I am not happy... I am not... I am not really anything.

Enter Brad and Ivo

Now I am learning to fly. Literally fly. I could be cliche here and say that I had broken wings and learned to fly again but they weren't broken things were just different and now they were really different. Suddenly Monday's were the best days of the week. Soaring around the South Side learning the skills I needed to take to the sky on my own. Every morning hoping for a North side weekday where I could soar the ridge by myself trying so hard to understand Ivo over the radio.

May. Supernova. Enter Jessie. She comes to play ping pong and I smile. She comes to watch me fly and I run faster than I have before. I want to take off and show her how high I can go... I had not yet realized that she would soon take me higher than my glider ever could.

June. Sunshine. Summer is cruising a long and Jessie and I have so many adventure marks on the board.

July. Cool breeze. Things are really kicking into high gear now. Back and forth up up up up up UP. Every day my smile gets bigger and the more I get to know her the more I realize people are not meant to be unhappy together... People are meant to have this.

August. Light breeze. Of course in August I start to get excited for the snowboard season a little too early so just through that emotion in with the rest and the baking soda and vinegar effect starts to come to the surface.

September. Volcano. Things are really starting to become unreal for me. A summer of something that had to go to make room for something I needed more than I need air. A summer of flying to the top of the mountain. After a winter of standing at 10,420' with a $2 bill about to send it off to my Great Grandmother who passed away. As the weather began to cool my thoughts raced on to the potential of this season and where my life with Jessie was about to go. Oh how my life is going in the perfect direction and then without warning... Hot volcanic ash poured from my heart and rain from my eyes as I received the news. My Grandmother, Pat, Ablin, The rock in our family, the one I could go to... Had stopped suffering. In the inevitable fight against Cancer you can never win you can only stay in the fight for as long as you can hang on to the simplest concept. Hope.

October. Undertow. Nothing seems real at this point. The season is moving in Jessie and I have talked... She is moving in we are ready. More than ready. We try to set a date in November but have a hard time making it as we begin to move a few things here and there until we might as well call it what it is... We took the big step. My life is in the current now and we are going forward into a new light.

November. Rain. Jessie is all moved in and my house is a home. We spend our first Thanksgiving together and our first few days on the mountain. Everything is perfect.

December. GODZILLA ATTACK! December moves so quickly with me working so much. There are complications with the snowboard team but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with work but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with school but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with my finances but I keep pushing forward. There are complications with my health but I keep pushing forward. This world is a complicated place but I keep pushing forward. Now I am tired as I sit here thinking, "I wonder if the world will rest on my shoulders again in 2011." I want to smack myself. I am exhausted, I am broken down, my will is defeated, and all I can think about is the struggle. I am such an idiot. I have spent so much time in the worry in the stress in and wondering what will happen next I have let the important things pass me by. I will be 30 in 2011 and I have so much to live for. Jessie, Kayden, A wonderful mother, the best friends, I have a job, a roof over my head, snowboarding is amazing, I can fly... This list goes on. Which brings me to my New Years Resolution.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION 2011: This year I will live in the important moments. I will not worry about the future as control is just an illusion. I will cherish every kiss from Jessie, I will be proud of every turn Kayden links on the hill, I will spend more time with my mother, I will be a better friend, I will challenge myself more on the mountain, I will fly higher on my glider, I will achieve great success in school and the beautiful thing is that it will not take any effort. All I have to do is enjoy each moment I have on this earth as each one is an absolute gift. That being said... I am going to go pull up on the couch next to her and enjoy this one.

Happy New Year Everyone.

If words could talk...

Hanging on to the edge of this I find it hard to not let go,
I want to fall down this paper, smear it with black ink that makes sense to only you
I am the words that have been trying to pour like syrup thick and full
Like everything you need but didn't expect to find in me
I will flow in cursive left to right and end with question marks
Followed by remarks from my heart that yield exclamation points
Reaching out to you I have only these words for you to catch
I scream from the top of my crossed t's and dotted i's, can you hear me?
I will capitalize for your attention! I need you to see this!
In the clearest font, this can't missed, italic and bold.
But how can I say it when those adjectives don't exist?
E x 12 is the best I can do when I try to write it out.
Falling down this paper I fell so fast and far.
These words, I have carried with me to the bottom of this page,
Hoping they made it safely and find their way to you...
Take them.

=Dave

Selfish...

Why is being selfish looked at as such a bad thing when it is in our very nature our very instinct. If you want to know the best thing to do in any situation just imagine how you would react in an emergency, this is when your touch and feel side goes out the window and your survival natural animalistic God given instinct takes over. This instinct is what we do without thinking because it is what we know deep down in a place we cannot access MUST be done. So why is it so wrong to think that this is how we should be all the time? Have we let our society make us believe that it is wrong? If you are on an airplane with your children and the cabin loses pressure and the o2 masks drop what do you do first? According to the flight attendants you first secure your mask and then help your children and those around you. Do you know why this is the correct order? You can't help anyone if you are dying! This goes for our lives we are always so quick to help others because it's the humane thing to do but often times we are trying to fix others while we are still broken. This logic is flawed. We are doing an injustice to ourselves as well as those that we are trying to help (Most of the time people help for selfish reasons anyway even recognition falls into this category.) This is why I believe most relationships fail. Fix you. Be you. Live as you. Once you are so comfortable in your own skin that you can be independently happy without anyone else in your life then and only then will you realize your true relationships and seek out the greatest life you can possibly live. I am urging all of you to go out and be selfish. Live for you and live for now because that is the only way you can ever give pure joy to another.

=Dave

Visual Stimulation

Today I have been thinking a lot about life and possibly more importantly about death. There are a few quotes that are stuck in my head beating like a rhythm drum over and over and over until I begin to dance to them.

1. "It's not a tragedy to die doing what you love" -Patrck Swayze as Bhodi in Point Break.

2. "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." ~Author unknown

3. "If I am not flying or kiting I often ask myself what I am doing on this planet." The late Mathias Roten

29.5 years old and now it begins. Yes I have had my scars and I have had my lessons. I am like many my age, in debt and confused about the future, perhaps even a little frightened. However I am unlike so many others of any age in that I can take a task and put all of life's meaning into it until the rest becomes null.

When I strap my bindings on and drop in to a vertical decent or actively engage in a dance with the wind while ridge soaring a glider I am there for that moment and that moment could be the rest of my life without waste.

Horizontal landscapes of snow and ice melt into the birds eye view of a summer dusk.
These things I see and cannot share.
I have only words to help you escape into my mind.
My only regret is that I am not strong enough to take you with me.
Wildlife fills the peripheral inspiration, the fox, the moose, and porcupine.
The horizon looks so much different from here.
300' from the earth to a 12,000 ft mountain peak rising above the tree line.
This is my kingdom, my home, my studio. The greatest work from these heights
Higher and deeper further I climb and sink, rise above and then descend.
Cold frozen stars smash into my face, floating on top of the frozen slope
Faster, faster, faster, and off of the edge into the sky....
I have entered my life and now I am living.

=Dave

High

The cycle is here, I have been waiting for this feeling the wind on the back of my neck rolling down my spine to a lull and then back again.

Is this it? Is this my turn to connect. Breath is calm feet firmly planted on the ground ready for control.

Pulling, pulling up as the canopy lunges over head wishing to travel with the wind but the balancing act and subtle inputs tell it "No stay with me, stay here, we are in this together."

We dance on the edge of the mountain feeling the tension, letting it fly. We must know that we are in sync. The trust must be formed with truth and commitment.

Turning and looking out at the horizon we can see the land below but that is not our destination. The Monday morning traffic on the freeway suggests I should be somewhere else, they always tell me I should be somewhere else.

Here I am and there is no better time, torpedo position and running hard, feeling control lines and pushing through, pushing so hard, running, heart beating, loud noises, gravity is showing me it's unwillingness to let go, and then... "LAUNCHING!"

And now it's quiet....

So quiet the only sound I hear is the breeze and everything else disappears. I am alone in the sky with my thoughts.

This feeling, it's not what I expected, and it's nothing I have ever felt before. How can I describe this feeling, am I high? The creators of adjectives must have never known our feet could leave the ground because they have left this one out.

I have flown, I am a pilot and now I know...

Life before this day was different and will never be the same. I know what it feels like to touch my soul and I know I am not alone.

I am going up now, I am going up for good to soar and to only come back down to make sure the ground is still here.

The bonds that I have formed over the last few months are real. A change has occurred and my life is now.... my life.

Flying brings out the best in me and I know that the more I go up the higher I get.

New friends, new bonds, new emotions, new life.

This next chapter going forward will be the greatest yet and I can't wait for you to be a part of it every step of the way.

The Obsession...

When the leaves fall off the trees and most see a dark cold world and begin their hibernation for the next 2 seasons my eyes light up, my heart begins to race, and I again am a child. Once again I dream and I know that despite all odds... Everything will be ok, everything is now in my hands or feet if you will.

When you look to the hills covered in white what do you see? When others see a shovel and a hectic commute I only see the most beautiful sight that nature has given us the opportunity and the privilege to take in with every sense we poses.

You may think I am crazy for my love and obsession with the winter mountains but you may just be missing something that is right in your backyard. There is so much more to the power of the snowflake in numbers than you could ever imagine.

The Challenge: Racing is the purest form of self testing. The rules are simple and the game is clearly defined. Be the first to the bottom. Beat your fellow man, Beat yourself, Beat the clock. The variables are limited and the truth is all that is left between the gates. Racing gives me the ability to be better than I have ever been to focus my mind on one thing for a short period of time. The focus that it brings me is so intense I only wish I could transfer this focus into my day to day. The thrill of traveling faster than I should be, negotiating gates, and make decisions in under a second helps me become the best I can possibly be.

The Adventure: Freeriding allows me to express myself and who I am. This is something that no bad economy, no war over seas, and no bad day at work can ever take from me. The art of moving sliding across the cold snow to paint a perfect picture that can only be seen by me. To let loose and say HELLO world when I want to launch off of a kicker or spin off of a wall. This is the only true testament to my freedom. I owe nothing to this day and it owes nothing to me but there is a mutal respect to be something great.

The Truth: Only once you have done it can you ever understand what it means to set down first tracks on a powder day. This is the closest I have ever been to flying, to myself, and to GOD. Ask yourself "Who am I" and then take on the back country, when the slope of the double black and the navigation of the tree lines floating in peace, harmony and danger, spit you out on the other side you WILL have an answer.

You see while some under paid and over worked phone rep is demon dialing my phone to remind me that some insignificant bill that I was over charged on was due 40 seconds ago... I am living and I do not care. I take a look at my surrounds these trees are my cubicle, this run is my office, and this board is my pen and I am about to sign my name. I have a connection that starts with the cold snow transferring energy to the plank and right on to the bindings that ensure my feet stay true and in position up to my legs that respond to my mind taking directions from my eyes while I feel the cool breeze zipping by nose with the sun shine on my face and suddenly realize... it all comes down to heart.

-Dave Jungst

No return address.

It is slower in the silence, rest beneath my wake
I would still breathe if the 11th hour came
Dancing is all I have left to soon regret
These hands have fallen heavy onto my face
Endlessly falling, writing when I know it's only wrong
Drive me out of this senseless window painting
Boredom is the past time which I believe in most
Now that I have seen rain fall in the blue skies
I believe I have seen all that really matters
I can still dream that I believe in memories
And she is the one who can coax the sunshine
They are the first to downgrade my happiness
Ask me why I am smiling when the world is crashing down
Dividing we multiply our subtraction, add up the difference
When will people start living when they only feel like dying now
When I opened my mind I was sure that I would spill it out
I never expected to owe myself this joy
Maybe I am caught between I could mull this over
To think about, to consider, to ruminate
For now I save the big decisions for the daylight
Place me in a bowl and turn the water on.
Observe me so I will not make my mistake this time
I have wanted all that I have ever had
I have everything I have ever wanted within these walls
The window to my left provides the great escape
I want everything, I need everything, I have everything
I have everything to lose.

=Dave

About the blogs posted to this point...

I just transferred all of this from my Myspace. Most of it is old some of it is new and it is really not in any order. Enjoy or don't I promise it gets better.

=Dave

Playlists

I decided I needed to make some new playlists. Some of you may or may not know that my iPod was recently jacked so I was trying to make an audio CD. My goal was to make a "Best of Mike Doughty" album and have it fit onto 1 Album. Ha Good luck there. I got 32 songs into it and thought... I may need to trim this back a little bit.

Just for my sake here is the playlist: (This isn't really part of the blog I just added it for dramatic effect)

1. $300 - Soul Coughing - El Oso
2. 4 out of 5 - Soul Coughing - Irresistible Bliss
3. 40 grand in the hole - Mike Dought y- Rockity Roll
4. All the Dirt -Mike Doughty - Skittish
5. American Car - Mike Doughty - Haughty Melodic
6. Down on the river by the Sugar plant - Mike Doughty - Rockity Roll
7. Fully Retractable - Soul Coughing - El Oso
8. Get Along - Mike Doughty - Rockity Roll
9. Grey Ghost - Mike Doughty - Haughty Melodic
10. Houston - Soul Coughing - El Oso
11. I failed to use it - Mike Doughty - Rockity Roll
12. I hear the bells - Mike Doughty - Haughty Melodic
13. I miss the girl - Soul Coughing - El Oso
14. Looking at the world from the bottom of a well - Mike Doughty - Haughty Melodic
15. Madeline & Nine - Mike Doughty - Haughty Melodic
16. Misinformed - Soul Coughing - El Oso
17. Real Love / It's only Life - Mike Doughty - Skittish
18. Rising Sign - Mike Doughty - Skittish
19. Sleepless - Soul Coughing - Irresistible Bliss
20. So Far I Have Not Found A Science - Soul Coughing - El Oso
21. Soft Serve - Soul Coughing - Irresistible Bliss
22. Ways + Means - Mike Doughty - Rockity Roll
23. Where have you Gone? - Mike Doughty - Skittish


Now I had to cut a lot to make that fit and it was not very easy.

Moving on.

My sister graduated today. I knew she would do it but she seemed to have some doubters. Maybe I just give her too much credit. I have to tell you seeing her in that cap and gown made me think back to my graduation and what was going through my mind. What would change? Where was I going? Did I really have to get my shit together now? It was very strange being at a graduation 8 years after my own. She looked like a woman though I will say that. My little sister is not so little anymore it's not such an easy thing to take. Maybe I should have set a better example... or maybe I should have set a worse example to show her what not to do I don't' know and who really does? What will I do in the case of my own son? How will I keep him out of the influence and put him on a path to success?........

I am curious as to how many readers actually made it this far. I know I have a tendency to ramble and my mind wanders. Its just the grey ghost that I call home.

Pasta for 1. It sounds so wrong but I need to fake the will to get along. I have made my happy home on the hill. It just feels so empty 90% of the time. Just me no dog no wife mostly no kids just me and my pasta for 1. Only problem is the Recipe always calls for 4 and that is something that has fucked with my head now for awhile. (NOTE: I Left this in the blog because it says a lot about the way I was feeling when I originally wrote this but this part has changed DRAMATICALLY)

I've got the will to drive myself sleepless. I like to make lists. Everything I do I could make a list for. As long as I type it and not write it out by hand I know what I am talking about. Someone recently looked at one of my lists that was hand written and asked, "What is 1 Don Andrew?" It actually said, "iPod adaptor" Nice. Guess I got scratched by a chicken in my youth. This actually happend on Court's wedding day so lets talk about that in the next chapter.....

Court AKA DOxOption AKA ORT, This Guy... can be described in 2 and only 2 words. "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH BUDDY!!!!!!!!" I used to hang with this kid way back when. In fact me Court and Nick were inseparable and an easier time in life. We would hang out at the Larson's house listening to DOWNSET and Minor Threat and get all riled up. On one fatefully day Nick took it a bit far and decided Court should be caned. The mark exits to this day. I have so many memories of these kids from Ski-Blitz to grafiti to amateur computer crimes. I taught Court how to type for Christ's sake and even introduced him to his first BBS. DOx For life son. I am glad you did it. Sara is a good woman for putting up with your shit. Court and Sara what a cute couple I have just one more story to tell about these 2 fools. One night (Halloween 06) I accompanied them to a Halloween party of which I didn't know a single person there except for those 2. They went as Mario and Princess I went as a Crayon it was adorable. After a long night of drinking Court couldn't stand anymore and wanted to fight everyone (nothing unusual so far) I decided it would be best if I drove the big ass Nissan home since Court and Sara were both covering 1 eye to walk. Unfortunately for me they decided to fight and argue the entire way home. You see Sara wanted to go to a bar (Even know it was way past last call) and Court wanted to go home. I was driving and wanted to go home so I won. About half way home just as I was about to yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!" *poof* instant silence and then... Court began to snore I looked in the back seat to say "Hey Sara look Court fought with you until he passed out" but the funny thing was She was passed out and drooling herself. The cutest thing ever the couple had fought themselves to sleep. They were made for each other.

I don't mind worry following me like a dinosaur. I have come to realize that I am going to have to live my life fighting with my own mind and a fair amount of worry and stress over nothing. I am my own worst enemy. What do I stress the worst? What I mean to all of you. I worry so much that I am sitting here in this big house by myself and nobody is thinking of me or wondering what I am doing. "Lonely, and the only way to beat it is to bat it down" The truth is I have a lot of Great people in my life. I think about most of you non-stop and what you have meant to my life and my journey. There is no way I could go without a single one of you. I do not want to De-cathect. I need this. What happened to the steps and the list we were getting so far until my mind got involved. I would like to float again.

My younger brother finally got that DUI that most of you were expecting. He hit a parked semi and the semi moved at least 4 feet. The driver reported "no survivors" The ambulance cut my brother out of the car with the Jaws of life and took him to the hospital, broken bones, stitches and a bloody t-shirt. He is ok but sadly it doesn't even phase him. I fear I will lose him soon. He's not struck dumb he's just dumb that's all. When do you give up hope on family? You really never can. I worry about both of my brothers and my sister and I wonder about my mother that worries about us all. The odds of survival for any of us are slim. So far we are 4 for 4 though. Knock Knock Wood.


Well that's it kids. That's all I have to say. A whole lot of nothing I hope I have killed your time effectively. When you are down and out just remember these words, "It's only money. You can always make more tomorrow"
<3 Dave

Tug-O-Man-O-War

I have come to realize (although a little late in the game) life is simply a game of decision making. There is no reason to get angry or upset about anything really. Look at the decisions facing you in a situation and pick one. If you pick wrong (if there is such a thing as wrong in this case) then you must look at the decisions that the first has put in front of you and decide between them. When the people we love do things that we don't like it is really not up to us to try and change them. Its up to us to decide if we will be around to tollerate it or go another direction. If your career path suddenly changes because of the media, yelling at the television and blaming your financial state on the news is not a path to solution or destruction its just a thing you are doing and therefore not really a part of life in my opinion. Events will happen no matter how hard you try to swim upstream the water will still run powerfully in the same direction. Its time to jump in the raft of life and go with the flow, when the river forks you will know your alive. Whatever you are left with at the end of the day... Well thats the choice pyrmid you have built. Stand strong and proud on top of it.

=2cents